Yep, Sea Creatures, Act Surprised

Here's a good one I got off a Laffy Taffy: What do you get when you cross an octopus with a chicken?

Wait for it.

Wait...for...it...

Drumsticks for everyone!


Oh, guess what, octopi are as smart as dogs. No really. They are. Look it up.

Paul Newman Would Have Known What To Do

I am heartbroken we have lost such a beacon of goodness in a crocodile-filled world. RIP, Paul.

Literary Commentary

Did anyone ever read "The Giving Tree"? Did it fill anyone else with indescribable rage as that stupid little kid repeatedly took advantage of the steadfast tree who maybe didn't want to give him anything and maybe just wanted to hang out in the forest and drop pine cones (yes, the tree in the story was deciduous, but we're talking about the tree's fantasy life, so I'm going to take a little artistic license) on that little sonuvabitch's head?! Anybody?!

It's Over There

Summer Is Over

But that doesn't mean you're safe!

Okay, So Maybe I'm Clearly A Chump

I unintentionally lied when I said I would get right on updating this sucker, BUT I am back with a vengeance, and all the pen and thoughts your feeble human minds will be able to take!

STARTING NOW!!!