Someone's In The Kitchen, With Or Without Dinah

So the other night, when I could have been alleviating the gigantic crush of work that will be hitting me tonight, I opted instead to sit in my kitchen reading the Fannie Farmer Cookbook and doing anagrams with my roommates. And hey, guess what? I am HORRENDOUS at anagrams (or maybe there just aren't that many anagrams  you can make from "Foxy Brown"). The cookbook, on the other hand, was far less disappointing, perhaps because it required no actual skill on my part. There was a recipe for "Birthday Cake", which was a weirdly specific walnut/raisin/orange affair, which I don't understand at all. Although I have had birthday pie since I was a kid, so what do I know.

My favorite entry was for Divinity, however, because underneath the name it said:

"Divinity is meant to be eaten in short order: it dries out quickly."

Live forever while you're young, kiddos.

Things I Routinely Fantasize About

-watching The Ten Commandments while snuggling with an adorable puppy

-riding a dinosaur while eating cotton candy

-going on a fishing trip with Karl Lagerfeld

-being in a convent and writing dirty letters adorned with dinosaur stickers to my secret lover

-being best friends with a sharkity-shark for a day and subsequently getting eaten

-the RZA being my next-door neighbor

-Sid Vicious and Pam Grier as my shoulder Devil and Angel, respectively

-being old and sitting on my porch and yelling at kids

-having a servant whose only jobs are to give me popsicles and make me toast whenever I want

Notes I Took While Watching "Foxy Brown"

There are boobs 30 seconds into this movie!

That's a really small gun.

"I'm a black man, and I don't know how to sing, and I don't know how to dance, and I don't know how to preach to no congregation, and I'm too small to play football, and I'm too ugly to be elected mayor."---He's not wrong; he looks like if Sammy Davis Jr. were hideous

Are those overalls? How did I not notice she was wearing overalls?

How could anyone be intimidated by a woman with bangs like that?

"That's my sister, baby. And she's a whole lotta woman."

Oh no, Pam Grier, I want the 'fro back!

"You tell me what you want done, and I'll do the hell out of. If the price is right."---You guys, I think she's talking about prostitution.

"Then why don't we adjudicate this matter in your chamber and maybe pass a few motions?"---This is my new pick-up line.

"And I got MY black belt in bar stools."---This is my new favorite movie

SHE JUST PICKED A RAZOR BLADE UP WITH HER TONGUE NO WAY NO WAY

It's all fun and games until somebody loses an eye. OH NO WAIT I WAS KIDDING

They are on fire!

"Man, I'm ballin' my ol' lady, can't you come back later?"

Oh man, this is my new audition monologue.

She hit him WITH A PLANE

Oh my god EEEEEEW

Haha, that's what you get for having ugly bangs

The Inevitable Has Happened

And by "inevitable", I mean Dinosaur/Sharkity-shark showdown.

You guys, I didn't even use my "Fun With Dinosaurs" stencils to draw this.

To Everyone Who Has Asked Me What My Plans Are Once I Graduate College

They are this.

If There Is A God...

...then I'll turn into this when I'm old.

Tessa's Big Day

Tonight I ate an entire cherry pie in 17 minutes and 34 seconds.

I have this feeling that when I wake up in the morning I will ask myself "Where do I go from here?"