Monday, May 18, 2009

Hey Bill Pullman!

Two things I am obsessed with: sharkity-sharks and Bill Pullman (the latter for reasons it could take eons to describe, so just accept it). WHY HAS NOBODY THOUGHT TO COMBINE THESE TWO THINGS? Clearly this is a cinematic void that must be filled, and if need be, I will do it myself. I thus present my query letter to Bill Pullman.

DearBillPullman,

How are you? Was your weekend good? Mine was okay. I had a brainstorm! Your body of work seems to be missing only one thing. A shark movie! Would you like to be in my shark movie? I am writing it. I will give you the best part! You will play the gentle-spirited marine biologist who has lost a toe to a shark but still bravely continues to study them. I think you would be great! You could make a speech about how scary sharks are and how everyone should respect them, and then the townspeople could ignore you because they want to preserve the tourist trade. And you will shake your head sadly. Then you will team up with a rogue marine biologist! Who has a gun! You will have different ideas about how to to things. But in the end, just as you have learned to work together, the shark will eat the other marine biologist, but then you will defeat the shark! And win a medal! And a key to the city! And an attractive woman who has liked you all along will finally have the courage to speak up! The end.

I know it's not much on paper, but Bill Pullman, with the help of your acting I know it will be great! Please write back! I have enclosed several stickers with pictures of sharks (and sparkles!) to encourage your hasty reply.

XOXO
Your Fan,
Tessa A. Strain

P. S. I really like sharks and you!

9 comments:

meghan said...

i better see the letter to the potential rogue biologist...

Tessa said...

That's quite a challenge, Meghan. I don't know I can think of anyone who would be an ideal counterweight to Bill Pullman's hypnotic blandness and vaguely condescending demeanor. And also look good in a wetsuit. With a gun. Suggestions?

smathers said...

that's a tough one, but when you figure it out, you will have the potential for cinematic gold

Angela said...

good call on enclosing the stickers. he's sure to to sign on.

Anna said...

JEFF GOLDBLUM

p.s. my word verification is popho. SILLY!

Emma said...

im printing this and mailing it to him.

Tessa said...

No you ain't, Emma! That's for me and me alone to do.

Spazzy said...

lol if only i had his email address. i suppose ill just have to leave it up to you then.


but seriously though you totally should email it. he'd get a kick out of it im sure.

Spazzy said...

spazzy is me (emma) btw. no idea why.