Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Hey Jeff Goldblum!

You guys, I know who the other marine biologist should be! (Thanks to my sister for sending me a text message this morning, reading "JEFF GOLDBLUM".)

DearJeffGoldblum.

Oh my god, Jeff Goldblum, I like you so much. Remember that part in Jurassic Park when you were all "This is chaos theory, yo." That was the best part, apart from all the parts with dinosaurs. You know what's even better than dinosaurs? SHARKS. Now, I know what you're going to say, it'll probably be all "BlahblahblahblahLifeAquaticblahblahbobloblaw'slawblog." But let's face it, Jeff Goldblum, it wasn't that good a movie. And everyone likes you! They want to see you play a rival marine biologist after a shark but in a great movie, full of action and suspense and not catering to snotty hipsters like me when I was in high school and that movie came out! A movie where sharks freakin' EAT people and it's all gross and stuff, and maybe even a KID gets eaten. I am writing such a movie! I will direct it! I will do the cinematography too! (I have a camera on my laptop, you see. And it's a Mac! You used to advertise for them!) I already have a handshake commitment with Bill Pullman to play the kindly marine biologist (sort of), and I want you to play the ROGUE marine biologist. He has a gun! Guns are cool! (sort of) You'll be kind of a bastard like that guy Harrison Ford played in that movie about space, I'll think of the title in a minute, but just like him, you'll turn out to be alright, but unlike him you'll get eaten by a shark! WHOA, right?

Anyway, I hope you will not let this opportunity pass you by or think that this is just some cheap excuse for me to meet you and hang out with you and maybe have a sandwich or a beer or something BECAUSE IT'S TOTALLY NOT (sort of). I have enclosed some shark temporary tattoos that you can wear and show off to all of your friends. I hope you will be in my movie!

XOXO
Your fan,
Tessa A. Strain

P.S. I've even seen Earth Girls Are Easy. Like ONE AND A HALF TIMES, no fooling!

P.P.S. I remembered the name of that Harrison Ford movie! It was Witness.

5 comments:

Angela said...

Tessa, you are absolutely my favorite person in the whole entire world.

Angela said...

....so, there will be an Amish boy in it?

Also, way to work in an "AD" reference.

Tessa said...

"AD" reference? What what?

Tessa said...

Oh right. I'm stupid.

Christina said...

AMAZING.

One day, Tessa, one day we will hang out irl. And it will be grand. I'll bring the candy corn.